Published September 25, 2005
My first poetry post on this site...let me know what you think.
These minutes that amble by slowly
Give me leisure to do the same
As I daydream of your arms,
My sleepy smile does not betray
The frenetic whirl of my thoughts
And so my fantasies are
Firmly ensconced in my mind
Where they will stay.
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Canary word: Present
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141,250 Literary Works • 674,330 Reviews
Nice. It was good, but it needs a bit of punctuation, as it makes you rush through it if you don't. The last couple of lines sort of didn't fit, but good job.
I really enjoyed it. You took a small amount of simple lines and made them so much better with some great vocabulary and really good imagery.
This has amazing potential. It is a bit crowded, in a sense - there are many words that sort of compress the meaning. But, all in all, I would not change a thing. It's beautiful and the imagery and the feelings I got from these few lines were completely amazing. Keep writing poetry!